Attended another wedding last night.  It was Funj's old time friend from Church.

 

It's always a bliss to be at a wedding.  Everytime after we attended one, we are reminded of our own...and we wish we've made our wedding as grand as some of those which we've attended.. who cares how much money it costs!!! It's only once in a lifetime.  The sofa and kitchen can wait!  As we watched the couple made their wedding vows and speeches, it sounded so excited.... a new life with new dreams... if only they knew what awaits them... hahaha

 

But seriously, before we got married, our church made us went through a series of pre-marital councelling which I thought was extremely useful in preparing us for what was to come.  And they made it hard for us to get married too.... and it was for a purpose so that we are 100% sure we want to do it.  Marriage can be such a complicated and confusing thing especially in today's world where everyone has different views of it.  Someone once told me that marriage is a decision two person made to be together for life.  I think that's a good way of looking at it.... key here is "decision" or "commitment" rather...doesn't sound very glamorous, it is just that simple taking away all the fluff about romance, charms and the lurrrvey dovey feelings from it all which are all temporary.  There is so much said in the wedding vows: "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part".  So this is serious business and we are talking about life-time.  But we are all human, after a while some of us change our mind cos it seems that the other person is no longer the person we once married.  So wedding vow is the pact we made in front of God whom we both fear so even if we can't stay true to each other, we will atleast try to stay true to our God. When the rocky times come, we have to remember this contract we made with each other and with God.  Cos at some point in the marriage, you'll require to "work it out" and both has to make a conscious effort to do it... and it aint going to be easy.  Hmm...have I made marriage sound like such a gloom? It's really not, we always believe when two people get together, there is synergy and more so in a marriage, it enhances each other's life...1+1 is equal to MORE than 2 in a marriage!!!

 

People always say don't be picky when choosing your partner...  I'll say be VERY PICKY... but ofcos on the right things lah... not things like "He has a mole on his back which I cannot tahan"... but if this is really the case you shouldn't get married also until you wise up or realise that the your big toes are not exactly that attractive either. 

 

Anyway, I'm no expert in this, the 1st couple we councelled broke up after 1 session with us... I sincerely pray they each find happiness in their future paths.

 

We've got three "confirmed" weddings lined up this year... but this time, they are more spread out unlike last year where they were back to back which was bad for the financial department.  One of the good things about stopping work is that now I've got a bit more freetime doing fun stuff, one of which was to help a friend design their wedding card...  check it out...  negative comments not welcome ok?

 

 

A lot of people have asked me about my decision to stop work.  This includes a sales lady I hardly know.

 

I walked into a beauty salon to buy some products and started a conversation with the sales lady.  When I told her I just stopped work her immediate reaction was that it is a waste to study all these years and not work, I just replied with a shrug "family is more important" I said with conviction.  After I said it, I wonder if it sounded "if you work, family must have been not important to you" cos that's definitely NOT what I meant. Family has always been important to me, even when I was working.

 

Anyway, she just smiled and politely showed approval.  I wonder if I've unknowingly laid guilt trips on her cos she is obviously working and is at the age with children.  If I did, I really didn't mean to.  It's hard enough being a mother, it doesn't really help to have another mother passing unnecessary judgement.

 

I remember about a year back, a well meaning friend of mine made a comment, "When I have kids, I would quit my job cos I don't want my child to go running towards the maid when she/he falls down."  The comment disturbed me a little cos I was working and I have a maid who helps my mum took care of Ryan when I was at work.  She is entitled to her opinion and I can't fault her for that and I think the reason I felt offended was that maybe I, to certain extend, agreed with her.  My nature is posessive, so the thought doesn't go well with me.  Anyway thank God that through a few incidence, I have learned to appreciate that Ryan can take comfort in not just his mummy and daddy, but his grandparents, uncles and aunties and also his "kakak".  What better environment to have the child grow up than one which is surrounded by lots of people who care and love him.  Also what I realised out of this is that we don't think very highly of maids, that there are not worthy to be ran towards? If you replace the maid in the comment with grandparents, parents' friend or even a nanny, somehow the feeling behind it is not so negative.

 

Anyway, what I wanted to say is that "to work or not to work" has always been mother's dilemma.  As much as as I would like to make it sound like I am beyond all that and that I know exactly what I am doing. The truth is I still struggle with it... although I am happy with the decision.  It was a difficult decision but at the same time an easy one.  Does it make sense? 

 

I think there is no hard and fast rule that says staying home is better for the child hence the dilemma, this article sums it up well.

When I was working, I definitely felt that "I am serving many masters and pleasing none". A number of examples I can think of: 

1) I remember when I was still breast feeding Ryan, I had to work on a project in KL and the work place has no facilities for me to express milk.  I wanted Ryan to have breast milk as long as I was able to so every lunch time, I drove half an hour from my client's site back to my PJ office, pop into my room to do the necessary for 5 minutes have my express lunch before taking another half an hour drive back.

 

2) For those of u who do not know, breastfeeding works based on "supply and demand" concept.  In order to keep the supply, u have to keep telling your body there is demand (if you are not able to directly feed your baby, you express it and store it), otherwise the supply is greatly reduced.  There was once when I was called for an emergency meeting and was stuck there for the entire day, so for the entire day I wasn't able simulate "demand" and not only I experienced engorgement (hence not able to concentrate during the meeting) but by the next day, there was hardly any supply anymore.  I was very sad cos Ryan no longer had any breast milk.

 

3) Having to take care of Ryan after work also means that I can only do any OT work after he has gone to bed... for me I woke up 4-5am so that I would be fresh and alert... but that means I get more tired later in the day and not able to be as productive.

 

So yes work and motherhood did interfere with each other in my case, so I am happy that I've stopped work... full time work atleast.  I think I will go back to full time work one day because I think deep down I'm a workaholic. But right now I am happy just caring for Ryan, teaching him to say "butterfly" instead of "Ah-Fly" and waiting for the new one to pop out.  I am also very blessed with a understanding husband who gives me the option to do that.