I was awoken thinking about an issue at work.  I am now wide awake like an owl wondering what it is that is keeping me so alert.  It must have been an age thing, I never used to have problem sleeping.

 

It has been a very eventful and busy week.  My brother and sister in law + family was in town from Brisbane for the KL version of the wedding; and Fun Jin busted his disc a couple of days ago and he is not able to move very much...  as a result our Christmas presents shopping plan was thwarted.  So with less than 2 days to go before our family christmas party,  "how do I fight with the rests of the last minute shoppers to get presents for 15?"

 

Ofcos my main concern wasn't the shopping but my husband's health.  We don't really know what caused the disc to rupture but we suspect was the leg lifts he did in the morning coupled with how he wore his socks.... who would have guessed exercise and socks wearing would be so hazadous.  So basically he was bed-ridden for a couple of days and in pain.  He is now recovering speedily thanks to all the prayers and is slowly back on his feet (literally).

 

Anyway, what we learned from the whole episode  was that we were given so many good things on a daily basis which we take for granted.  Just the sheer fact that we are able to walk and talk, sit and enjoy a cuppa ... is a blessing.  You really do not know how precious all these are until you don't have it.

 

Come to think of it... this whole week has been filled with lessons on gratitude and thankfulness.  During the brother's wedding, my dad prepared some presentations about our family geneology which traced our family history way back thousands of year... anyway I'll leave the details to another entry.  While he was preparing for it, he shared with us about his memory of the war with the Japanese and how difficult life was at that time with no food and shelter, everyone in the family was suffering.  Due to malnutrition, they have growths in their hands which caused so much pain that they couldn't clasp them for 3 years. 

 

I am so thankful I live in a more prosperous and peaceful time that I am able to clench my fist and show it when I need to.

 

Caught a snippet of Oprah Prime Time yesterday.... talking about marriage and how women lose their identity after getting married.  Anyway, I only managed to catch about 15 minutes of it... 

 

... I got a bit lost when Oprah says that she doesn't want to sacrifise herself for a man that's why she never got married... I thought they were trying to get the message across that you shouldn't lose your identity in a marriage.

 

Anyway, I can't help feeling the whole episode was a bit anti marriage even though they were giving advice on how to build a successful marraige... everyone on the show is not married or divorced... Oprah - not married, Dr Robin - divorced, and the person they interviewed was also divorced,  I personally feel they should have someone who has some experience in having a successful marriage to tell us what actually works...

 

Anyway, it was good entertainment.

Was having a casual conversation yesterday evening with a few wonderful ladies.  One of them has just stopped work.  We were teasing her that she should go and do all the "Tai Tai" stuff.... facial, spa, pedicure etc.  And she commented now that she has stopped work, it's not nice to spend money excessively.

 

The conversation reminded me about a recent articles on the star about the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize winner, Muhammad Yunus, who started Microcredit, basically loaning small amount to the poor.  And the interesting thing is that 97% of the bank's (Grameen Bank of Bangladesh) borrowers are WOMEN. Below is an except from the article.

 

 

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..... once the loans starting going out to women, Dr Yunus realised something important:

“We started noticing that when money went to the family through women, it brought much more benefit than the same amount of money going through men.  

“It was so obvious because the children became the immediate beneficiaries of the mother’s income. She paid a lot of attention to them. In families where children were given away because the family was too poor, the mothers brought them back home, now that they could feed them. 

“Men, on the other hand, preferred to spend the money they made on themselves. While mothers are self-sacrificing, patient and willing to suffer now in the hope of a better future, fathers want to enjoy themselves, live for today and expect tomorrow to take care of itself. I think that is something that’s universal.” 

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I promptly showed my husband the article and both of us laugh at how true it is in our household as well... while I think about how we can save RM1 by not going thru the toll-way for our rainy days, my husband is shopping for for his Plasma TV. (I've since learned that RM1 a day won't help in our rainy days, it helps more that I get home quicker and my husband have learned that if he waits a while longer, he can get an LCD TV).   And silently I was pleased at the fact that we women have "PROVEN" to be better 'generally' in this aspect than men.

But then as I thought further I wonder if this virtue is one that is to our advantage or is it the contrary?... "would we have enjoyed life more if we are not so self-sacrificing?"...  I guess the answer is not so straight forward as it depends on many factors and one's situation...  but i've come to realised that spending on ourselves do not really give us true happiness (in long term anyway)!   The more I focus on my own indulgence or enjoyment, the harder it is to achieve it cos when we focus on ourselves, we also focus on our problems as well.

When my husband and I got married, we decided that there is no such thing as your money and my money... it's just our money.  My initial struggle was that given the natural spending habbits of man and woman, I'll have the raw end of the deal! But over the years, both of us have learned that there is so much more we get by focusing on each other's needs than our own and it gives more joy to make another person happy than to make yourself happy!  And it took a while to realise that joy that is a result of sacrafice is so much more lasting.

We, women are such complex creatures of guilt... and maybe we should celebrate that.